Far from Empty.

As blessed and excited as we are to add another little one into our lives, I would be lying if I said it wasn't also a life altering and very scary experience. Both my husband and I knew that we wanted a big family, we wanted our children close in age, we wanted loads of love and a house full of chaos. Most call us crazy but I am sure that there are many others out there who share the same dreams as we do! After having our first born, I fell into a place where I truly believed that all of my prior dreams had vanished and my desires no longer lined up with my husbands. Carter was, and still is my "baby".. even the idea of sharing our time and love almost made me ill. He was my best friend, we went on countless dates together and we were the perfect team and in my eyes adding anything to the mix that could ruin that was disastrous and nothing I wanted any part of. AJ was always understanding, and attempted to talk up the idea, and very patient when I told him no. From the beginning we had the "2 year plan" in the back of our minds and as the days slipped past me I began to feel this heavy weight on my shoulders knowing the day would soon come that my husband would want more children.

During this time I decided to focus all of my energy in on what was current, and what I knew best, which was the undying love I had for my son. I started observing mothers of many in public and trying to envision their lives and watching as my peers started popping out their second or third child and seeing how their lives were changed by this. And all in one moment it smacked me in the face.. I am so in love with my son. I get to wake up every morning to a heart that is overflowing because he and his father are in my life. The man that I love most helped me create this perfect little human who I felt I had known my entire life and will never go another day without having the pleasure of loving (even when he doesn't want me to!). This love is special and I am an addict to this love.. why wouldn't I multiply it? Why wouldn't I want more of this incredible relationship? The love I have for my son can't, and will never be changed, I physically CANNOT love him any less. If anyone were to ask me if I wished I could have more of this feeling I would be a fool to turn them down.

Adding another child to our growing family then grew right back into a dream of mine. Many people who have chosen a different way of life have asked my why I didn't give "enough time" to my son, or why I feel empty and need another child. And to be honest.. I have found nothing more offensive than those words and assumptions. I am not empty, I am SO entirely full of love and gratitude for this family that I want us to bring another tiny human into our mix only to break the boundaries of our hearts once again. To insinuate that my son leaves me empty in any way is not only offensive, but so incredibly false I cannot help but laugh. I can say without hesitation that everyone in my life is aware of the bountiful love I hold for my family because as annoying as people may think it is I cannot help but share it to the whole world! My time with my son will never come to an end, I will never quit devoting myself to him. To say I haven't spend "enough time" with him, enjoying him is also false. We live every second of every day with each other, and this won't be changing anytime soon.

This second bundle of joy is exciting to our family, it is a gift that I get to give to my son and our families. The bond that these children will experience - both good and bad - will change their lives and when you ask them 10, 20, 30 years from now I am sure they will be unable to imagine a life without each other, just as I am unable to comprehend a life before them.

The late nights, little sleep, lots of laundry and loads of love will help mold me into who I was meant to be in this life. I am meant to be a wife to my husband, and I am meant to a mother to these children. The strength of love is what will power me through, and I can assure you, we are far from "empty".

-T