You heard me correctly. I won't yell at my children. The beauty of parenthood is being able to decide to go your own way, even if it is against the "norm".
I am a gentle parent. This makes me proud.
What is a gentle parent? Amongst many parenting techniques, a gentle parent is one that found that peace, love and calm words works best for their family. My husband and I did not set out on our journey into parenthood with the goal in mind of becoming gentle parents, we figured we would go about things like "normal" and do as we do. If there came a day when Carter needed to cry it out than we would do so, if there came a day where he needed a swift pat on the bum than sure, if there came a day where he wouldn't listen then we could raise our voices. None of the above made us nervous. Until our son joined us.
It was evident that we weren't into it. We were blessed with a baby so calm and understanding that he never truly presented us with an opportunity to do any of those things. Six months passed by and we were being told it was "that time" in which he was ready to cry it out at night.. but he had no issues going to sleep at night? I explained that I would nurse to sleep and people would GASP in shock and be quick to tell me what a horrible path that I was leading ourselves down, we had to break this habit quickly. But why? It was working. One night my husband and I sat down and talked long and hard about the kind of parents we wanted to be for our children, and that was that.
I nursed him to sleep. Why? Because it was normal for me, it was normal for him and it is what we knew best.
I came to his every cry at night, many many times a night for over a year. Why? Because I never want him to think that I am not there for him.
I didn't wean him when he turned one. Why? Because there was no good reason to. He was healthy, so was I and we were thriving.
And I don't yell at my son. Why? Because as his parents we have found that he responds better without it.
GASP!
It's okay if you are shocked or even worried for me, I'm alright with that. I rest easy in my confidence in the son that I am raising. I want to guide him along his life journey rather than guide him down the life journey that I have in my mind. He will always receive an answer. When I share with him that touching the outlet is not a good idea and he gets upset with me, all it has ever took is a moment of explanation for him to calm down and understand. I will never shut my child in his room to sort out his own emotions or over come his own fear, because I want him to never lose his faith in me as his mother.. his protector.
Gentle parenting to many seems lazy, when in fact it requires more out of me than I ever thought possible. I have learned to be patient when I don't want to be and have learned to have confidence in our families decisions when others may not. This evening I laid in bed with my son for 45 minutes as we talked about all the things he had on his mind, we sang songs and he slowly dozed off holding my hand and my patience was rewarded with his sweet sleepy smiles.
Everyone chooses correctly for their own family, and in the end everyone raises different, equally beautiful little humans. What works for us may not work for you. But I promise you this, my lack of a heavy voice and disciplinary moves won't doom me to an unruly toddler or set me up for a misbehaved teen.
So yes, I will not yell at my children.
-T
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