Everyone has goals, dreams and aspirations. I had more than I could count on both hands. I had just been accepted into a Respiratory Therapy program that took diligent work to get into, I was 19 and then some, my mind was centered around college and where the hot spot was this upcoming weekend and of course the boyfriend that I cared so deeply about.
My now husband, who was 21 at the time, told me two weeks after meeting me that "I am going to marry you".. in fact he told everyone we knew that him and I were going to be wed someday. We lived each day as it came, slept in until 11 and stayed out until 3.. or later. This didn't make us irresponsible however, we were both raised in wonderful families and had a solid set of values and strong work ethic instilled into our brains. We were simply on our roads to success whilst living in young adult bliss and everyone knew that nothing was going to stop us.. so when that tiny blue plus sign showed up we shocked our world.
I was a pregnant teenager, although I would be 20 before I delivered this teen pregnancy "title" never escaped my mind. I knew what everyone thought of me, where they think that I would end up and the story they thought I was living whether or not they even knew who I was. I was not that person. It was in that moment that I knew what I had to do to separate myself from such a harmful and societally degrading term. I had to be a mother.
Besides my extreme baby face, you would be absolutely unable to tell that my husband and I were ever associated with the negativities surrounding "teen pregnancy" if you were to walk into our lives now. Why? Because we took the bull by the horns and decided to do just this. We knew the life that we wanted to provide for our children and like so many other men and woman around us had to do, regardless of age at parenthood, we sacrificed, we changed our plans, goals and aspirations and let go of the picture we had painted for our future all for this little human.
I was no longer a respiratory therapist, my husband was no longer able to spend his paychecks on fun nights out with the guys, we lost friends simply because they weren't in the same walk of life with us anymore and shortly after our son was born we had to pack up and move from the place that we loved most. All for him.
But that's not how we overcame our stereotype, everyone has to make small sacrifices for those they love.
We realized that we needed to sacrifice (although small), sure, but we realized that while we are so busy focusing on providing a love giving life to our children we needed to provide the same for ourselves. My husband went and finished his degree, we moved because he promoted elsewhere and instead of changing jobs to stay in Idaho we followed his dreams. I gave up respiratory therapy because I knew that I couldn't provide my son with the care we wanted for him while being in clinicals all day, yet I studied harder than ever and am busy setting myself up for law school post graduation because I kept myself in mind. We learned quickly that our lives were not up to those around us, and after caving to the ideas other had for us we took a stand and became our own family, with our own values, and made our own parenting decisions. We put our marriage before everything else in our world in order to provide a stable ground for our kids to stand on, and a healthy vision of what they will look for when their day comes.
We thrived in a situation where all of our odds were against us.
We surpassed anything that was expected of us.
We made the decision to do all that was needed to live the life that we recreated together.
We put strenuous effort into our families relationship.
And we let go of the age defining characteristics that were busy holding us back.
We have wonderful role models in our lives who got us to where we wanted to be, and that is everything that I want my children to see in us as their parents. I don't want them to ever define us the way the world has. The looks that I get when sharing that I am 21, pregnant and have a 16 month old in tow are enough to break a person.. but I can't blame them. If only they had the time to hear about our life and how happy we are with where we are at. The assumptions that are made about how long my marriage will last is enough to make me want to punch a wall, if only they knew that this man I married is the absolute center of my universe and that there won't be a force on earth that will see our days come to an end. But it's okay, because they don't know. They don't have to know. But I know it wouldn't take long for them to see what we see, and what everyone else around us sees.
For my family I will do anything, go anywhere and be everything they require of me. For myself I will surpass everything, strive to live a life of forgiveness for silly stereotypes and be the role model that I know is needed of me.
Teen pregnancy got me. But it never defined me.
Overcome.
-T
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