The internet gave my second child an unfair disadvantage. I love articles, I love blogs (duh) and I love reading about peoples experiences and professional advice. So it was a no brainer that I would run into 3 million to many informative pieces about second children once we found out we were expecting Colbie, and ironically here I am writing yet another one to add to the bunch.
But I want this blog to be much different. This blog is going to be one of a very small handful that serve a positive purpose. I want to take back your impending fear, I want to share my own experience and I want to shed light on something I found to be false. Adding a second child was not the horror story it has been written out to be so many times.
Article after article I found circling the internet was so quick to tell me that my life was about to become one big, confusing hectic mess and that there was nothing left to do other than succumb to the chaos and lose myself along the way. Has anyone ever stopped to ask.. well why? Why does my life have to be this way, with two children or ten?
I had endless nightmares about what would happen to my relationship with my first born after reading all about how many mom's confessed they thought their first born was "an annoyance" after having their second. I was terrified of the thought of my house turning into a disaster zone because I lost any and all free hands to keep it tidy. I was even more scarred of all of the promises that I would never again have time to love myself because I was having another baby.
It didn't take long until I found the flaws in their reasoning.
In bringing home Colbie I felt obligated to share what I personally have found to be true:
1. Having a newborn in the home is a breath of fresh air - I forgot the serenity that comes along with a tiny resting newborn. There is a renewed sense of innocence and yes.. even a certain calm falls over the house. Even in her moments of tears-a-plenty I am thankful for her bringing a change of pace. Life slows down and I enjoy that.
2. Your children are born to love each other - Yes, there have to be moments of jealousy as your first born adjust to the change. Carter (who hasn't been breastfed in nearly 6 months) lost his brains when he saw me nurse Colbie for the first time. He has his meltdown, got it all out and it's never happened since. But between every small moment of jealousy or anger comes 10 more moments of undying sibling love. They just love each other. If you so choose to focus on the not so hot moments than be my guest and wallow in the unhappiness it will bring your way, but if you refocus and see the beauty in the relationship you brought to them the joy is relentless.
3. You've been here, you've done that - I heard one too many times that falling back into the newborn flow was draining, but I couldn't find any truth to that. Before I had Carter (my first born) I had never experienced being forced awake at night, I had no one to think about other than myself, my husband and I were allowed do go wherever we wanted whenever we wanted. No having to be home around nap time, no not being able to go with friends because it wasn't a kid friendly activity. When Carter was born every aspect of my entire life changed in the blink of an eye and that was incredibly overwhelming! I had to change all aspects of my life over night. Not only this but I had no idea what I was doing! When Colbie came into our lives I already knew she would wake at night, we were used to having to say no to lots of activities and our lives were already hardwired around our children. There wasn't much change necessary to fit her in, and truth is she just slid right into place. The change was much less intense and overwhelming.
Adding children to your family is always a huge decision, there is lots of weight riding on your shoulders the entire nine months and that's never easy. But my heart pours out such intense love for not one.. but now TWO beautiful children and there is nothing that makes me happier than knowing that they are both mine forever. The switch from a family of three to a family of four was made out to be difficult and frustrating and I am in hopes that with the right outlook and attitude about life's changes you can find the same peace and beauty as we have throughout our transition.
Life with two is immensely rewarding.
- T
No comments:
Post a Comment