When our son was born I was told all about that newborn sleep deprivation stage but no amount of story sharing could have prepared me for what was to come. I birthed a 9 pound 2 ounce baby boy and was then told that because he was so big he would sleep better.. false. We got home and he woke every 1.5 hours. He did so for months, even still at almost two he wakes once on most nights.
My husband and I only knew one thing was certain and that was that we just couldn't stomach a cry it out method. It just wasn't what worked best for us, so we then had to find out what did work. Through our struggles with Carter, our lessons learned and now our ease with Colbie here are the tips that we have collaborated together :
(Keep in mind, this is only what worked best for us. Everyone and every baby is different!)
1. Babies Thrive on Routine
Babies, children and truly even us as adults need routine. We need some solidity in our confusing world, especially little ones who are still busy navigating it. We started routine with Carter at a very early age and the simply routine that worked best for us was "Bath, Book, Boob/Bottle, Bed". It is as easy as it sounds! At 7:30 we start a Bath for Carter, for Colbie being so young we only sponge bath her every few days, then we read him a book, then I either rock him to sleep or lay with him in his bed until he falls asleep. Many people get frustrated at the falling asleep step but think about it this way, this is special one-on-one time you have with your child to both wind down together. I wouldn't give it up for the world, no matter how long it takes I am there with him and I adore every moment. With a routine children/babies are better able to establish the fact that there is night and day. Once they get used to their routine they understand that it is time to sleep now.
2. Tired Children DO NOT Sleep Better
Children and babies both know how much sleep they need. If they fall asleep it is because their bodies told them they needed to. I remember hearing theories on keeping your children awake, depriving them of a nap and so forth to make sure they were extra tired for bed that evening. A tired child is restless and bothered and in my experience Carter nor Colbie has ever slept better because I forced them to be awake at any period of time. It has only ever caused Carter to wake more at night because his body is confused.
3. Lavender is Always your Friend
Essential Oils are amazing little tools, I never would've believed it before using them myself (in fact I thought it was a bunch of bologna). After finding Lavender I will never go back, Carter has a lavender lotion that we use after bath time that is different than daytime oatmeal lotion we use if he has dry skin. We also spray the bed with a lavender mix and he loves nuzzling his nose into his pillow and it soothes him to sleep. Minus the many benefits of lavender itself, for Carter specifically the smell soothes him. If he wakes at night he is comforted by the smell like other children are comforted by a blanket or special stuffed animal.
4. Set the Tone, Bedtime needs to be Soothing
Oh yes.. I totally get it. Bedtime can be full of tantrums and denial but I've realized that if AJ or I get stressed - Carter can read that and the whole process blows up in our face. Before bath time comes around the corner we dim the lights in the house, start some calming music, sit together as a family while watching a movie/show and snuggle and often we will diffuse lavender to help. Having Carters wild, crazy toddler mind slow down allows him to fall asleep so much easier. For our newborn we do the very same! When it's time for us all to go to bed we put background noise on the television in our room (she loves it), we dim the lights and snuggle for a while before we change her, swaddle, and feed her to sleep.
5. Individual Self Soothing Techniques
Self soothing tends to cause people to think of cry it out methods - many methods say that it teaches children how to sooth themselves to sleep and because we have not experimented with this I wouldn't know whether it works. What I do know is that I was able to teach both my children self soothing methods without tears and that made my heart happy. Carter never swaddled, never took a binky, doesn't like stuffed animals or blankets and this was difficult for me to find what worked best. But it didn't take long before we realized that Carter is soothed most with noise and light. He can't sleep in the dark, it causes intense amounts of stress on him so we got a huge green nightlight for his room and play rain noises all night long. Using these he is able to calm himself down and fall asleep. Colbie on the other hand is a swaddle and binky fool, she loved the closeness of the swaddle and could suck all day on a binky. Specifically we use the Ollie Swaddle and a Natursutten pacifier. These combined help her put herself back into a deep sleep when she wakes at night.
Sleep is essential to sanity, however sleepless nights are all a part of being a mother. They come hand in hand. I have learned that while for some sleep may come easy (like for my daughter) and for others sleep has to be learned and perfected over time (i.e. Carter). I hope that through a few of these tips you can search to find what works best for your children! Tasking and time consuming it may be, but the reward of a solid nights sleep is so worth while.
- T
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