Monday, October 26th rolled around and we were ready as we headed to the hospital to check in at 6 pm where shortly after I had a folly bulb inserted. Then it was a waiting game. I was told to try to get some sleep because it wasn't going to be taken out until the next morning unless it fell out on it's own.. let me tell you, there was no sleeping. The nurses would come in every few hours and pull the folly bulb (which was pulling on my cervix) in order to keep it taunt. The pressure was unreal but with each contraction I tried focusing on the fact that this was only the very beginning.
Tuesday, October 27th at 7 a.m. we had the bulb taken out and were told that we had progressed from 0 cm to 3.5 cm and the bulb had done it's job. At this point I was allowed to shower, relax for a moment and eat a breakfast with my husband. This hour in time was precious, it was the first moment that we have had to ourselves to sit back and relax in seemingly forever and so we soaked every second of it in as we cuddled and shared pancakes. The pitocin drip was started very slowly at 9 a.m. We worked through our contractions walking the halls, in the tub and on the yoga ball welcoming each and every one knowing it was one step closer to meeting our blessing. At noon we were checked once more at 4 cm and my water was broken. It wasn't long before I found myself completely dependent on my husband through each painful contraction, as I felt each one coming on my body went limp in his arms and we breathed together. Eventually he coaxed me back into the tub where he was able to pour warm water over my back and use pressure points to help me through each contraction. I decided at about 5:30 p.m. that it was time for the epidural. Shortly after it was placed I felt relief as our photographer walked in and we were able to collect ourselves for a moment before the pitocin was amped up. Similarly to Carters birth the epidural didn't ever completely ease my pain, which is just how I needed it. I liked being able to keep pain somewhat managed while being able to feel what my body was trying so hard to do.
Shortly after this I found myself in a scary place. Things started to mimic the birth of my son, but rather than starting to panic I found myself in such an intensely focused place I didn't speak for hours. I was focused on being able to get to the end. I craved each contraction and with each one the pressure grew stronger and stronger. I spiked a fever, and my heart rate rose to match the baby's which called for internal monitoring needing to be placed. The nurses were in and out every few minutes flipping me into all sorts of positions in order to stop our child's heart rate from dropping and to monitor my rising blood pressure. The one true strong arm I had through my process was my medical team, my OB and nurse stood by my side promising me over and over that I could do this, that a csection wasn't going to be called because I was going to get the baby out in time. I finally caved to another cervical check at about 1 a.m. once the pain of the pressure became nearly unbearable and the nurse shared that I was only at 7 cm, however the baby was at a 0 station and just waiting to arrive. She paused for a moment and walked out without saying a word and came back with one of the most pivotal woman of my entire birthing process.. they call her magic fingers.
Magic Fingers happens to be a nurse who was once a midwife, so skilled in "speaking to the cervix" (as the nurses joked) that she has yet to have a patient end in a cesarean in years. She luckily was on staff that evening and said she would gladly come work her magic on me. To call it "magic" would be belittling what she does. Without anyone telling her, she came in and checked me and shared that I was indeed at 7 cm and still had part of a cervical lip over the baby's head. She took a deep breath and said "With the next contraction you will be at a 10 and ready to start pushing". The next contraction came and that was that. I was at a 10 and ready to push.
The nurses geared me up and we began the long process of descending the baby, I pushed in plenty of positions but wasn't getting the "oomph" I needed. My husband kept telling me how he could start to see the baby's head and that there was hair! I can't tell you how long I have dreamed of the moment I would hear those words from AJ, I wanted to see what he was talking about and asked for a mirror and a squat bar. After being able to see what I was doing and using the squat bar as an extra source of strength our little one began to make her way into our world quickly. I saw her hair and was able to watch the whole process ensue. My doctor came in and gave us a big hug and asked if I was ready, I replied "Let's do this" and with that my husband scrubbed up and waited to catch our newest addition. The place that I was in during this moment is unexplainable, there are no words to do it justice. It was primal, beautiful, motivated and blissful. I felt no pain, I heard no one, I said nothing and it was as if no one existed in that moment but AJ and myself.
On Wednesday, October 28th at 2:52 a.m. before I knew it my husband was standing there holding up the most beautiful little girl I had ever laid my eyes on. He placed her on my chest and there was no holding back, we embraced each other and cried. I gave birth.. I couldn't comprehend that alone. I gave birth. I not only gave birth, I gave birth to my daughter. One of the biggest fears I have faced in life is the possibility of having a daughter and not knowing what I was doing but in this moment my love for her was effortless. I knew what I was called to do and all I could manage was hold her against my chest and cry. She was everything we've ever needed.
Our doctor let a while pass as we waited for her cord to stop pulsing and my husband was able to cut it. The room began to clear after I received a few stitches for one minor tear and her and I stared into each others eyes for the first time. Staring into Colbie's eyes I felt as if I had known her my whole life, she was so familiar to me yet so new. How was there ever a life before her presence? After a while passed she was able to share skin-to-skin time with her father as we sat in silence admiring the creation we had made.
Colbie Amanda, born October 28th at 2:52 a.m. 7 pounds 8 ounces 19 inches long. Every part of her and her older brother is our saving grace. Every moment of her birth was beautiful, supported, and surrounded with so much love. I am forever thankful for our supportive medical team and my husband who steps in as my birth coach. This is only the very beginning of our forever, and there isn't anyone more perfect than Colbie to spend it with.
- T
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