However, there is one thing that I can attest to.
I was only told how horrible, and difficult this time in our lives would be. No one ever said "we love toddlerhoood!", "those tantrums are only a small part of our wonderful days!", or "you will survive". I lived in constant fear of my son growing up because I just knew our good times were slowly slipping away. I hugged that tiny baby harder mourning the time that we were losing. But as he grew I realized something.. our love grew with him.
Tantrums started, fits began and I was at a loss of what to do from here but I knew that I had a choice to make. The more people I heard tell me that the good times were coming to an end, the more I was driven to ensure that this didn't happen. I chose to embrace. From that day forth I have been able to handle all of his emotions with a sense of grace and happiness, they were no longer a nuisance but another chance for me to show him that I will never leave his side. I want to take back toddlerhood, because it's beautiful, it is blissful and it is at the very essence of what we all agreed to upon choosing this life. Now let me assure you, there are moments where I lose myself and am left surprised that there is hair still left on my head. It is OKAY to feel overwhelmed because it is often hard to understand these tiny humans, but that is exactly it, they are still human and deserve to be treated as such.
Their Emotions are Just as Real as ours.
When they are crying because their shoes don't fit on the family dog, or because they learned that once you pour your water out of your cup you cannot put it back in it is easy to get frustrated at their lack of common sense or ability to realize the pettiness of the situation they are in. Face it, we've lived longer, our struggles are much harder than theirs and we think this situation is certainly not worthy of tears (or throwing themselves on the ground.. and thrashing.. and screaming.. in public). But then who is the inconsiderate one? They don't know our struggles, they aren't there yet, they can't relate and therefor we can't expect them to. These emotions they have are very real to them. This truly is the hardest thing they have yet to deal with in their lives and we are belittling it. I can't imagine being told not to cry sometimes when I am faced with more adult troubles such as coming up short on bills or having to give up something you wanted so badly for the good of others. They are no different and I would never want him to feel that his emotions take second place to my own.
This has to Happen.
Yep. Toddlerhood HAS to happen. The tantrums have to happen. It all must take place in order for our toddlers to thrive and grow into the children they are meant to be, there is no way to avoid it and truly it shouldn't be avoided in the first place. They will spend the rest of their lives trying to break the little ties they have to us, it's called independence and in order to raise successful adults they have to achieve it, this is just the beginning of their journey. In this stage they are learning that they don't have to hold our hands and are wanting to go explore on their own and it can be frustrating chasing your children around a store looking like a hot mess. They protest our decisions all though small and seemingly meaningless, however one day they will protest much larger decisions. It is our job to guide them on a healthy path while fostering this independence and giving it to them as we feel they are ready for it, but remember that sadly this has to happen.
I want his Trust.
There are times where he goes too far, and it is my job as a parent to show him that certain things are not okay to do. But for now, for the most part it's just an overload of emotions and I choose to hold him close through the hard times he experiences rather than scolding him for the emotions he is feeling. Why? Because I wan't him to be able to tell me how he is feeling for the rest of his life without feeling bad or feeling like he is going to get in trouble. I deeply desire his trust, I want us to be an open book as much as he will allow it. I can't start this path off right by telling him that I don't approve of his feelings or showing him I am not interested in hearing all about them. I need to show him now that I am his advocate, always.
Now I don't have this motherhood thing "right", I don't make all the perfect decisions, and just like everyone else I struggle some days more than others. But imagine a world in which we lifted new mothers up with confidence and excitement about the journey they are just beginning on? Imagine the world we could have if we raised our children to understand that emotions are okay to have and aided them in learning how to harness those emotions? So have your moment, lock yourself away in our bathroom and have a good cry because YOU are entitled to your emotions as well.
-T
| REPOST OF BLOG ON JULY 15, 2015 |
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