Here, Chew on This.

One of the unforeseen glories of motherhood is, of course, all of the sweet hugs and kisses, but also those sharp infant nails, teething bites and the swift slaps to the face that you get while nursing. Before I had my son I figured that this was simply something that we had to endure and overcome and thank goodness we were introduced to the world of teething jewelry!

I made a lovely little collection of my Little Lemon Treasures jewelry after Carter was born and over the months it continues to grow and grow! I have accepted the fact that with my crazy kiddos, nice jewelry isn't an option until we decide we are done popping them out. To most this might seem like a bummer, however it certainly doesn't have to be. Never in a million years would I have guessed that teething jewelry could look so fashionable with just about anything a momma could wear. I have received more compliments on my teething jewelry than jewelry that I shamefully spent way too much on.


But wait, theres more! (*best oxiclean commercial voice imitation*)

It looks stunning, but it serves an immediate and important purpose. No more hair pulling. No more chomping on your shoulders. No more batting your face while nursing. These necklaces act like one big beautiful baby magnet keeping you scratch free though the tough seasons of teething, they love chewing and messing around with the silicone!

This photo was taken post nursing session with Carter when he was only 5 months old. I put the necklace on and then without hesitation he was in a daze and unfocused on making my face, breasts, T-shirt and bra a toy. It was after this moment that we realized that we are hooked.

I am so excited to have started our stockpile for baby number two and plan to obtain enough to go with any outfit that we decide to wear with any day of the week. The glory and simplicity of these necklaces is something that I won't be able to accurately describe for you over the internet. They are a "use it and see for yourself" type of good, but I do promise that you will find yourself head over heals, and waist deep in Little Lemon Treasures glory!

You can find more teething jewelry selections by clicking HERE and you can also visit them on instagram @littlelemontreasures

- T

I Just Want a Baby

"Better give that little boy a sister!"

"Time to add a little pink to the family"

"What would you do if you never had a daughter?"

Simple. I would love my children regardless of their genitalia. In todays world we have quite the way of evaluating the 'worth' of a family unit. If a family has one boy and one girl they are considered the million dollar family and you are correct, they are blessed beyond measure. But the undo pressure of obtaining that life can be debilitating to an expecting family. 

Our first child was born and after nine long months of awaiting to find out his gender our friends and family were filled with joy to hear that he was a little boy! Our absolute dream come true! Every day since that moment has been spent in boy mom bliss - filled with lots of boo-boo's, playing cars and sweet baby boy snuggles. There truly is nothing I love more than being his mother. It was hard for me to come to the realization that we did in fact want another child since I couldn't ever imagine loving another little as much as I loved my son, and once we did we found ourselves on the road to baby number two quickly. Little did I know that it comes along with quite the pink colored burden. 

I spent the first few months chatting with people about the new addition that we were so excited about and it wasn't long before my husband and I were given the go around. It was clear that many of those around us were hoping that we brought a little baby girl into the family, so much so that we were told how disappointed they would be if our blessing had a penis. 

This is my child you are talking about, do you realize this? 

My husband and I sat and talked for a long time on how to handle the issue we were presented with. Along with it came many tears and unnecessary stress but we created the perfect response for when people ask us what we are "hoping for".

"We just want a baby"

There was nothing more true than that simple statement. We decided to add onto our family because we wanted another precious member. I don't want a girl, and I don't want a boy. I want a baby. You know.. that little thing you work and pray so hard for? I want to become a family of four, experience life with two children and give my son the blessing of a sibling to share in his adventures. Whether I remain a boy mom or get the million dollar family that society has told me is "correct" I will go to sleep each night happier than I was the day before. 

I promise you that my heart will feel no void.

And get this.. in 3 short months or less, if we give birth to a sweet baby girl our family is not finished, GASP! We will be having more children in the future and throwing off the even numbers of our family unit. Does this make us a ten million dollar family? 

Before stopping and telling a mother what you desire for her, take a minute and reflect on your words. Whatever you are about to tell her is about something that is most precious to her, the growing child inside of her is nothing short of her miracle and in a pregnant and emotional state it is so easy to ruin a special time for her. 

I don't want a girl. I don't want a boy.

I just want a baby.

- T

Gestational Diabetes

While pregnant with Carter I tested for Gestational Diabetes, and I failed my test. They called and had me come in once more for a three hour test in which I was told I had passed. Days went by and we grew.. and grew.. and grew.. and gained 60 pounds. Every day was a struggle, we were tired, swollen, seeing stars without any strenuous movement and had blood pressure and swelling issues.

It was not gracious.

Once we were in the hospital and geared up for delivery I was told that I should've been treated for GD and hours later I popped out a 9 pounder via csection. So somewhere deep inside me I was worried about the possibilities of testing positive for GD again.

But it hit me like a brick wall.

When they told me I was diagnosed with this fairly common pregnancy glitch my husband and I took it much harder than either of us had expected. We had made so many serious changes to our diet and lifestyle, minus the morning sickness I felt better than I ever have in my life, I have only gained 3 pounds and our baby wasn't measuring weeks ahead like Carter had. I was so determined to live a healthy happy pregnancy and end it with a bang by getting the VBAC that I so desire. I worked long and hard to be where we are at now.. I felt defeated.

Being allowed to go overdue, not feeling pressure to deliver early, not having any growth ultrasounds for anyone to tell my my baby is too large to deliver.. all of it seemed to be slowly slipping away from me.

My husband and I both realized that these were just the cards that we were dealt and that we should just do the best that we can to make sure that none of this has the opportunity to happen to us. If I poke myself and take my blood sugar as much as they ask of me, maintain the diet that they told me to go by and attend all the educational classes and ultrasounds they need than there shouldn't be any reason why we can't achieve what we set out for. And that my health amongst all the other things was what was most important.

Poking myself has gotten easier... I will admit that the very fist time it took me over an hour and immense amounts of bribing to get me to do it (maybe a few tears.. yes I promise you I am in fact an adult). My blood sugar stays stable as long as I do as I was told and hopefully in a few short months we can share that although we hit a minor bump in the road that the rest of our pregnancy and delivery were just as beautiful as we had ever imagined.

What ever goes as planned anyway? Without spontaneity and our ability to adapt we wouldn't have any of what we are blessed with now. I'll hold on tight to that.

Cheers GD, I will kick you in the butt.

- T

Why your Husbands Dig your Mom Bod

Pregnancy and postpartum can be a dark time for mothers in regards to body image, I for one am not the tiny little teenager that I used to be and that was difficult for me to swallow. I am no pregnancy unicorn, I won't ever look as fabulous as my peers. I swell, I get stretch marks, my butt becomes a planet and I'm not lucky enough to shrink back to size within a week after birth. In fact I don't shrink 2.. or 3.. or even 4 weeks later.

I remember crying and my husband walking in and asking me what was wrong. I responded with "I just wish that I was still the woman that you married" and this cut him deeply. I am the woman he married, but he loves me even more than the woman he loved on that day. Truth is ladies, our husbands dig our mom bods. They may not actively walk past you and say "Dayyyyyyummmm, look at those stretch marks!" or wake up each morning and say "I can't imagine you without your beautiful belly flab darling", but if you married a great man with any heart and soul I can promise you that he loves the new you.

Here are seven reasons why your husband digs your mom bod!

1. He loves your Kids
Easy as that. He loves the children that you made together, and he gets that you made them within your body, there for he loves you and that baby making body more than he is able to describe. He may not be able to find the words to use but he is forever grateful for for the sacrifices you made in order to bring them into the world.

2. Men love Boobs
No way? Yes way! Face it, they are into them. During pregnancy and after birth they are playboy sized squeezable cushions that they didn't have to pay for! It's a free token into the world of big bosoms at least for a moment and I can promise you.. they are into it.

3. Womanhood
Before pregnancy some of us may have bodies that resemble our 12 year old female self (cough cough, right here!) and in nine short months I graduated from prepubescent Taylor to Taylor with a rockin' woman body. I grew curves! Curves come in all shapes and sizes, thin or thick, but you can't evade pregnancy without them and that's okay because men dig curves.

4. Mom Jeans
... okay this one is a joke. I don't think anyone truly loves mom jeans.

5. Confidence
Whether you have had children or not men are always attracted to a confident woman. If you can hold composure and show a certain level of confidence over 100 other women in a bar chances are you were talked to, because it is super attractive. And let's face it, there is nothing more confident than a mother! I am myself when I am with my children and no one in their right mind would dare step between us. The "momma bear" is real and it is really admirable.

6. Strength 
Those babies didn't come out on their own! There is no man on earth who is willing to say that the act of childbirth is not super hero status. It is something they cannot (and never want to) relate to and they know that without that body of yours doing what it does best that they would be left next in line to preform the task. They are ever thankful that their bodies aren't designed to preform such a task, and forever grateful for your body being able to do so!

7. Unachievable
Every man knows someone who has struggled with fertility issues. Maybe a friend of his can't start a family, other friends or family of his were blessed with children through adoption, and others have spent time and money on procedures in order to bring their children into the world. Like I said earlier, there is no better vision of pride in a man than his children and there isn't a respectable man on earth who wouldn't see your mom bod and realize that he is blessed.

Our husbands dig our mom bods more than we know, but because they are men they sometimes lack the words that you desire to hear to make you feel better about yourself. Pregnancy/Postpartum unicorn or not, you are beautiful and you are loved. So rest easy knowing that somewhere in that man you married lies a pride for your new found curves and marks and stop beating up on yourself. Ever doubt in your ability? Look into your kiddos eye's, I bet all those insecurities wash away.

-T

Why I Won't Yell at my Children

You heard me correctly. I won't yell at my children. The beauty of parenthood is being able to decide to go your own way, even if it is against the "norm".

I am a gentle parent. This makes me proud. 

What is a gentle parent? Amongst many parenting techniques, a gentle parent is one that found that peace, love and calm words works best for their family. My husband and I did not set out on our journey into parenthood with the goal in mind of becoming gentle parents, we figured we would go about things like "normal" and do as we do. If there came a day when Carter needed to cry it out than we would do so, if there came a day where he needed a swift pat on the bum than sure, if there came a day where he wouldn't listen then we could raise our voices. None of the above made us nervous. Until our son joined us. 

It was evident that we weren't into it. We were blessed with a baby so calm and understanding that he never truly presented us with an opportunity to do any of those things. Six months passed by and we were being told it was "that time" in which he was ready to cry it out at night.. but he had no issues going to sleep at night? I explained that I would nurse to sleep and people would GASP in shock and be quick to tell me what a horrible path that I was leading ourselves down, we had to break this habit quickly. But why? It was working. One night my husband and I sat down and talked long and hard about the kind of parents we wanted to be for our children, and that was that. 

I nursed him to sleep. Why? Because it was normal for me, it was normal for him and it is what we knew best. 

I came to his every cry at night, many many times a night for over a year. Why? Because I never want him to think that I am not there for him. 

I didn't wean him when he turned one. Why? Because there was no good reason to. He was healthy, so was I and we were thriving. 

And I don't yell at my son. Why? Because as his parents we have found that he responds better without it. 

GASP!

It's okay if you are shocked or even worried for me, I'm alright with that. I rest easy in my confidence in the son that I am raising. I want to guide him along his life journey rather than guide him down the life journey that I have in my mind. He will always receive an answer. When I share with him that touching the outlet is not a good idea and he gets upset with me, all it has ever took is a moment of explanation for him to calm down and understand. I will never shut my child in his room to sort out his own emotions or over come his own fear, because I want him to never lose his faith in me as his mother.. his protector. 

Gentle parenting to many seems lazy, when in fact it requires more out of me than I ever thought possible. I have learned to be patient when I don't want to be and have learned to have confidence in our families decisions when others may not. This evening I laid in bed with my son for 45 minutes as we talked about all the things he had on his mind, we sang songs and he slowly dozed off holding my hand and my patience was rewarded with his sweet sleepy smiles. 

Everyone chooses correctly for their own family, and in the end everyone raises different, equally beautiful little humans. What works for us may not work for you. But I promise you this, my lack of a heavy voice and disciplinary moves won't doom me to an unruly toddler or set me up for a misbehaved teen.

So yes, I will not yell at my children.

-T

25 Weeks: I'm Sorry Second Child

We are 25 weeks along and time finally seems to start slowing down a little, so I am embracing all of our moments before our second little one enters the world. As much as we can't wait to kiss your soft face, and find our whether you are our sweet Henry or precious Poppy there is always a certain level of fear when adding another family member.. what will our lives look like? Will you and your brother get along? What will this mean for us all?

Having a second child has been a learning curve for me. While easier in some ways I feel that it's much harder than the first time around, and I often find myself thinking that this little one gets much less than his or her older brother did. But that's okay, that is normal and I reassure myself that this child was created from a place of love and that this  "second child" life is just what he or she was made for.

I am sorry that you won't get the one-on-one time that your brother did. I apologize that you will quickly have to learn to defend yourself against a toddler who wants you to play harder than what you are capable of. You will be coming into this world to be compared to how your older sibling looked, acted and slept. There will be times that you are left crying because I am hands deep in a toddler sized mess when I would've come running in a moments notice of a cry from my first born. While I tried hard to only play the safest, most educational things on the TV for your brother and limit his screen time, you will be watching whatever happens to be on because it will help keep your brother tame. I will be more tired, loose my sanity more often and have more responsibilities within my days.

But..

You will also have an older sibling who will look out for you devoutly from the moment you enter this world. You will never have to be alone. All of the little mistakes we made with our first you won't have to experience (all though I'm sure we will make many mistakes completely unique to you). Chances are you will get away with more because mom has "relaxed" a little since her uptight firstborn phase has now passed. You will be showered with love from all of our family members even if you are wearing hand-me-downs!

Being a first born myself I truly craved so many of the things that you will have, and as I know that life will be much different for you than it was for your brother what I do know is that many of my days I desired to be right where you are. Under the wing of a wiser older sibling - who made the mistakes first so I could study up on how mom and dad reacted - and not be the first child to go through major changes in the family, as those times of transition were hard.

One thing will stay the very same, our love for you and your brother will radiate through all that we do. We live this life for you. While I cannot yet imagine a life with you, the moment you appear I won't be able to fathom a life without you.

You are cherished my littlest one, by all three of us. 15 more weeks.

-T

Motherhood is Now a Verb : 7 Reasons Millennial Moms are onto Something

My son Applying my Makeup each Morning

Millennial moms have taken their place in the world and changed the way that motherhood will be viewed for every generation to succeed us in the future. Why is this you may ask? Where it once was a noun, motherhood is now a verb. It is no longer a defining word but a word that calls us into action, and they just may be onto something.

1. Making "Hands On" an Understatement
Millennial moms can stay at home, work away, work from home.. heck, they can do whatever they please. But that doesn't stop them from being the most hands on motherhood generation to see our world in quite some time. From taking swim lessons with your children to teaching them sign language before they can even speak, millennials have truly made hands on an understatement.

2. Research is Your Friend
Every parenting decision has been heavily weighed out inside a millennial moms head, through hours of devoted research around the topic. What was once standard is no longer standard anymore, and moms are deciding on their own whether or not what our parents consider to be 'normal' works for our own families anymore. It is acceptable now to go against the grain.

3. Crunchy is No Longer a Noise
"Crunch crunch crunch!" Nope. Not what we are talking about. Millennial mothers have coined the term crunchy mom, meaning a mother who in some variation goes through strenuous efforts to both create/harvest and provide the necessities for their families. You can be any level of crunchy you desire but chances are sometime within a millennial moms journey she will have ventured into making something all on her own. Whether you decide to feed your children veggies only from your garden or make all soaps/washes/detergents/butt cream etc. for your little ones, you crunch away.

4. Children See More now than Ever
Millennial mothers have decided that children are justified to go anywhere in which they might be. Going shopping? Pack the kiddos. Want to go wine tasting at a vineyard? Strap the baby into the carrier and get a move on. Decided to sell your home and travel the world? Won't stop anyone from having children, they get to join in on the adventure. The millennials have made it clear that the choice to have children does not stop anyone from doing what they desire, it only adds to the fun!

5. Down with No
Instead of being quick to jump on children for doing something like getting into the pots and pans or fishing through the mud to see what it beholds, millennial moms see this as an opportunity to learn something new. There is still an obvious difference in saying no to playing with an outlet and saying no to staying up an extra hour to talk about hand shadows on the ceiling, but this generation of mothers sees the curiosity children have within them and run with it!

6. Blue is Not for Boys
And likewise pink no longer makes a baby a girl. Millennials have bridged the gap between gender association and will often find it offensive if you scold them for giving their son a doll, or letting their daughter play with cars. It's few and far between that you'll find a millennial willing to tell their child not to engage in an an activity because "it's only for boys/girls".

7. Super Mom is Super Real
You heard me. She exists. She is real inside every millennial moms heart and soul and we are seeing woman accomplish things with child in tow that we have never imagined possible before. Being able to own and run a business, teach age appropriate curriculum to your children, harvest a home garden, run a blog and make time for the gym all in a days work is totally normal. While all moms have been super no matter their day in age, millennial moms are doing a great job at making all of this look effortless.

While millennial moms slowly take over the world of motherhood and change everything we have known before credit needs to be given where credit is due. The mothers before us made us into mothers ourselves, the millennials have simply taken the noun, transformed it into a verb and made it into something all our own. Something we can be proud of. Cheers super moms!

- T

Teen Pregnancy: How my Husband and I Overcame our Stereotype

Everyone has goals, dreams and aspirations. I had more than I could count on both hands. I had just been accepted into a Respiratory Therapy program that took diligent work to get into, I was 19 and then some, my mind was centered around college and where the hot spot was this upcoming weekend and of course the boyfriend that I cared so deeply about.

My now husband, who was 21 at the time, told me two weeks after meeting me that "I am going to marry you".. in fact he told everyone we knew that him and I were going to be wed someday. We lived each day as it came, slept in until 11 and stayed out until 3.. or later. This didn't make us irresponsible however, we were both raised in wonderful families and had a solid set of values and strong work ethic instilled into our brains. We were simply on our roads to success whilst living in young adult bliss and everyone knew that nothing was going to stop us.. so when that tiny blue plus sign showed up we shocked our world.

I was a pregnant teenager, although I would be 20 before I delivered this teen pregnancy "title" never escaped my mind. I knew what everyone thought of me, where they think that I would end up and the story they thought I was living whether or not they even knew who I was. I was not that person. It was in that moment that I knew what I had to do to separate myself from such a harmful and societally degrading term. I had to be a mother.

Besides my extreme baby face, you would be absolutely unable to tell that my husband and I were ever associated with the negativities surrounding "teen pregnancy" if you were to walk into our lives now. Why? Because we took the bull by the horns and decided to do just this. We knew the life that we wanted to provide for our children and like so many other men and woman around us had to do, regardless of age at parenthood, we sacrificed, we changed our plans, goals and aspirations and let go of the picture we had painted for our future all for this little human.

I was no longer a respiratory therapist, my husband was no longer able to spend his paychecks on fun nights out with the guys, we lost friends simply because they weren't in the same walk of life with us anymore and shortly after our son was born we had to pack up and move from the place that we loved most. All for him.

But that's not how we overcame our stereotype, everyone has to make small sacrifices for those they love.

We realized that we needed to sacrifice (although small), sure, but we realized that while we are so busy focusing on providing a love giving life to our children we needed to provide the same for ourselves. My husband went and finished his degree, we moved because he promoted elsewhere and instead of changing jobs to stay in Idaho we followed his dreams. I gave up respiratory therapy because I knew that I couldn't provide my son with the care we wanted for him while being in clinicals all day, yet I studied harder than ever and am busy setting myself up for law school post graduation because I kept myself in mind. We learned quickly that our lives were not up to those around us, and after caving to the ideas other had for us we took a stand and became our own family, with our own values, and made our own parenting decisions. We put our marriage before everything else in our world in order to provide a stable ground for our kids to stand on, and a healthy vision of what they will look for when their day comes.

We thrived in a situation where all of our odds were against us.

We surpassed anything that was expected of us.

We made the decision to do all that was needed to live the life that we recreated together.

We put strenuous effort into our families relationship.

And we let go of the age defining characteristics that were busy holding us back.

We have wonderful role models in our lives who got us to where we wanted to be, and that is everything that I want my children to see in us as their parents. I don't want them to ever define us the way the world has. The looks that I get when sharing that I am 21, pregnant and have a 16 month old in tow are enough to break a person.. but I can't blame them. If only they had the time to hear about our life and how happy we are with where we are at. The assumptions that are made about how long my marriage will last is enough to make me want to punch a wall, if only they knew that this man I married is the absolute center of my universe and that there won't be a force on earth that will see our days come to an end. But it's okay, because they don't know. They don't have to know. But I know it wouldn't take long for them to see what we see, and what everyone else around us sees.

For my family I will do anything, go anywhere and be everything they require of me. For myself I will surpass everything, strive to live a life of forgiveness for silly stereotypes and be the role model that I know is needed of me.

Teen pregnancy got me. But it never defined me.

Overcome.

-T

Want to Start Blogging?

Interested in writing, and want to start blogging? I don't blame you! Blogging has been one of the best parts of my day, providing me with the "me time" that I need to keep sane while raising children and tending to life as a devoted wife and mother. There is something about not being told what you have to write that makes it so pleasurable, being free to share whatever is on your mind or in your heart! Whether or not anyone decides to read it can be a healthy way to get your feelings down onto paper and record memories to look back on as they start to slip from existence.

Blogging can be simply for leisure or you can try to build an audience. Building an audience has introduced me to so many people that I have had the pleasure of forming relationships with and I couldn't be more grateful for the process! So here are a few tips and tricks on how to get started and make a foot print in the wide world of blogging:

1. Formulate and Audience 
What are you interested in? Fitness? Travel? Cooking? Whatever it may be find it, love it and stick to it. If you are starting a blog about your cooking adventures you will find yourself growing a larger audience of people who enjoy to cook and it will me much easier to network and grow from there. If people are confused on what your page is all about they are more likely to not read it at all, save the confusion and focus in!

2. Research Blogging Platforms
I cannot stress this enough, what works for one may not work for another. I personally have tried 3 platforms before ending up where we are now and wish I had found blogger from the beginning of our journey. Theres blogger, wordpress, weebly and the list continues. Each will appeal to different types of bloggers so do your research and only invest in one you think will be easiest for you to navigate. Otherwise giving up on the process becomes much easier.

3. Blog Often
Make a point to sit down at least 3 times a week and share something. Let your mind wander and just write. Making your blog active will encourage others to read in order to keep up with your world. If you space them out too far people may forget that the blog still exists and you risk losing an audience. However.. if you find yourself in a creative funk and unable to write anything that you feel is publish worthy than maybe the small break is better. Think quality and quantity, they are both achievable I promise!

4. Don't be Discouraged
Guess what? The first people to read my blog (for a long while) were my close friends and family members who probably wanted to make me feel good about myself. It's easy to see small numbers and want instant success but it won't happen. It takes time. Once people recognize your name they will start to flow in but it takes time and effort in order to get there. "Just keep writing, just keep writing" (please sing that as if you were Dory herself).

5. Create Relationships / Network
Creating relationships and networking is where it's at. There are shops all over the world who look for bloggers to help get the word out about their products, there are bloggers everywhere who search for bloggers in similar fields to collaborate with, and there are people like you who need them! When you create a relationship through your blog you are sharing your audience with others and in turn they send their audience to you (this means growth) and you may find some life long friends along the way. Remember that the relationship you form is a two way street, if a shop sends you something to review.. review it. Being a shop owner myself I have sent product out and sometimes bloggers don't hold up their end of the deal. This will look bad and attach a negative voice to your brand, if word gets out you could find yourself in quite the pickle.

6. Visualize With Me
Imagine a blog.. what do you see? Something that catches your eye! Take the time to work on the aesthetic of your blog and make people stop when they see it. Sadly a vast majority of readers do pick a blog by the cover so create a beautiful one. Create a beautiful page to draw them in, then put time into things like the titles of your posts and fun extras that your page offers. In the few seconds a reader takes to decide if your blog is "read worthy" help them realize it is much more than just that!

Blogging is an outlet that can provide you with some relaxation and small moments of freedom within your busy days. Find your forte, embrace it and run. I bet you'll find yourself with a smile.

-T

24 Weeks.

24 weeks has arrived and we have reached the state of viability! There is something so settling knowing that without a doubt, if we go into unexpected labor everyone will do all that they can to save our sweet little one. This has always been my favorite week of pregnancy for that fact alone.

I am sure to make time each day to appreciate the stage of pregnancy that we are in as it flies by and delivery inches closer to us. The second trimester is such an easy and graceful period in time, being small enough to get things done and sleep well while not being as sick and tired as we were in the first trimester. The kicks are small and sweet and I know that soon they will get bigger.. and bigger.. and while they remain sweet they start to get painful! One thing I am praying for is a "swell free pregnancy", although I am sure that I'm doomed! With Carter my hands were so swollen that when AJ asked me to marry him my fingers could hardly fit my brand new engagement ring on, and my ankles were so incredibly swollen that we were constantly on watch for pre-eclampsia (combined with higher than normal blood pressure). As much as I would love to stay slim and small, if it is fate that I have to swell to the size of a michelin man in order to get this baby here than so be it, I'll take that small sacrifice in order to create something so much bigger than myself and my worries!

Something that I have noticed is that as each day passes I get a little more anxious and cling to Carter a little tighter. We have included him in every aspect of the pregnancy, as much as he can truly understand, and have been pushing other things aside in order to make time for our family of three while it lasts. I fear change and always have. I broke down at about 38 weeks pregnant while out on a date with AJ over the fact that we were about to have a baby and not have time for each other any more.. and look at us now. Now I think those fears were so silly because Carter has only made our lives so much more beautiful. So I rest on that, this baby will change things, things will never be like they are right now but life will be so much more beautiful.

16 weeks until we kiss your sweet face and meet the little toes that worked so hard on kicking away. You are loved sweet little one.

-T

Carter's Birth Story.

I started our blogging journey a few months after Carter had already entered our lives, one of the things I missed out on due to this was writing down moments of his pregnancy and birth to look back and relish on. Surprisingly his birth is still so vivid to me, I know it must be written in the books before it starts to fade from our memories.

We had a few scary experiences with preterm labor at 32 and 36 weeks and were able to stop it with the aid of modern medicine but were told to "be on our toes" and "ever ready" for his arrival at any moment. Little did we all know.. everyone was very wrong. 38.. 39.. and 40 weeks passed and I remained as patient as one can as a very large and very pregnant woman. I tried every trick in the book (and I mean every single one no matter how far fetched!) and he just seemed to be content! My husband had his paternity leave dates come and go and we knew it would be difficult for him to get the right time off and stress began to settle in.

My family living over 15 hours away from me were simply awaiting our phone call to hop on a plane and come for the birth, but once we hit 41 weeks we knew it would be best for them to head our way in a car to help save some money because he just HAD to arrive soon.. right? Nope.

It was Sunday, February 9th and I told AJ to head to bed while I bounced away on my ball and focused on what it was that my body was so desperately trying to do. I bounced and talked to my little one and worked hard on breathing through our contractions as they intensified. AJ wanted to know if we should go and be checked but for fear of disappointment I refused to go into the hospital at all costs until I had to be carried in there. I was so tired of going in, having them tell me yet again I was in labor and then after hours of no progression sending me on my way. We were contracting every 3-7 minutes and somewhere deep inside me knew I wasn't making any progress. From sunday to thursday morning I got 8 hours of sleep.. Yes 8 hours in a 120 hour period. I had tried so hard to rest but my body wouldn't allow it, I was stuck and slowly losing sanity over the position that I was in. My family and husband being gracious helped me with all that I needed but no matter their kindness there was no getting me comfortable enough to rest or progress.

Thursday the 13th rolled around and I told my husband he wasn't going to work, we had an appointment that morning and I simply could not drive myself and assured him that without any doubt we would be having this baby. We drove there and awaited our OB who upon walking in just gave me one big long hug. The time had come for induction, we reached 42 weeks and I felt a little defeated that my body wasn't doing what it had been designed to do best. He gave me some medication to make me relax just enough to get home and gather our things (which had been gathered for at least a month by now) and I was told to come into the hospital later that evening.

After checking in I was able to put aside my minor disappointment in my body and get exited to meet our little one, our valentines day baby! I was contracting too much to safely use cervadil (a cervical ripening gel) so we went ahead with the foley bulb and were told that unless it fell out we would be checked again in 12 hours.

Progression: 1.5 cm

The hours came and went and we munched on some hospital grub and played a few games to keep ourselves busy while my husband helped me breath through each contraction. I kept waiting and waiting for the bulb to fall on its own, but yet again I knew my body wasn't progressing as quickly as "it should be". My OB came back the following morning and removed it only to find out that my fears were confirmed and progress was minimal. So here goes the pitocin, the walking, the bouncing and tediously attempting to get our mystery baby out.

Progression: "You are almost at a 3"

My husband massaged every part of my aching body, used tennis balls to relieve pressure, counter pressure techniques, encouraged me to get in the tub and labor and was a big ball of confidence in my hardest moments. My unpaid doula and birth coach, and I couldn't have been more thankful for his presence. Hours came and went again and the contractions were still present but as always I suspected minimal progress. They came to check on me telling me how "encouraged they were by the contraction monitor!" only to wipe the smile from their face.. more pitocin it was.

Progression: "I can stretch you to a 4 if you would like?"

We all knew this baby had to come out, we all knew that it was time and that something needed to be done. I wanted to do this on my own but I couldn't.. I had no clue what was stopping me. They broke my water and contractions picked up as they had hoped and we went strong and steady into a hopeful progression.. more hours ticked away and I was checked again.

Progression: "Let me stretch you to a 5.."

At this point the doctors were dialating my body for me. I was contracting hard and laboring hard and doing nothing for myself. I was broken. Friends and family came to keep smiles on our tired faces and we moved forward, and the doc gave me an ultrasound to see where baby was and about how big he or she was measuring. We were told 7 pounds at most (just to show you that this diagnostic can be wrong easily.. he was over 9 pounds!) It was shortly after this that things start to face from my memory. It is my bodies duty to hide the worst parts of labor from my mind in hopes that someday I will decide to do it all over again and found myself numb.

Progression: "Well probably a stretchy 6."

Now 13 hours after my water had broken and I was laying in bed on another planet. Sleep deprivation at my level was doing me absolutely no good, and I dozed between contractions. The last time I remember dozing off I remember cheering in our room as they told me I was at an 8! I had done something, and that little sense of confidence sent me into the deepest sleep I had ever known. Then that's it.. that's where I remember nothing until hearing my son cry. Therefor the rest of our story is purely from what my husband had shared with me.

I woke up screaming and unable to breathe, I was amidst an asthma attack and was given oxygen and was yelling about my hips.. something had happened to my hips? The nurses were trying to get me to calm myself to get the air that the baby needed while I noticed my husband being taken from our room, of course this only added to my panic. He came back dressed head to toe in scrubs and I knew what was about to happen. My precious little one was suffering, his heart rate was dropping drastically and my blood pressure and temperature went through the roof. It was in this moment that I became a mother. I had never worried so much about the little being inside of me.. I had never though about what I would do without him or her.. I begged them to just cut me then and there as the baby's heart rate went down and down and down, clearly they were not about to preform major surgery on my body in the hallway. My husband held my hand and then had to wait.. he sobbed. This was the only moment he had to spend away form me through the process and this was so far from what we wanted.

He was let into the room and found me asleep on the operating table and tried hard to wake me up, only able to jostle me awake just in time to hear our son. I remember hearing him scream and that was it. My heart left my body never to return. My husband stood up and shared that he was our baby boy! Our first born son, our absolute pride and joy and with that we were a family. I kissed his sweet face as one of the incredible nurses fought hard for us to be able to breastfeed for just a few moments before whisking my son away to the NICU, as AJ kissed me and went to be with our child.

I smiled, said a prayer and dozed back off to sleep while they finished what needed to be done.

After gaining consciousness and sitting in recovery awaiting the moment I could go and hold my son for the first time I was told that my son had severely damaged my pelvis and I would need rehabilitative services in order to correct what had happened. I was told that his placenta appeared to be deteriorated and that he would be in the NICU for a while to evaluate what had gone wrong and to see if he did in fact have an infection.

My son had been slowly losing his chance at life inside of my body without me even knowing. It was at that moment I knew that everything that had happen had happened for a reason. I wouldn't progress because my body wouldn't let him come. He shattered parts of my body trying so hard to come into this world and he had been trying for so long to do so. I hugged every single one of my medical staff and thanked them dearly for how dedicated they were to me during the 49 hours I was under their care. I haven't lived a moment of my life in guilt that I had a csection, I don't despise them, I don't feel like any less of a woman and if history repeats itself than so be it. I have a big beautiful boy to snuggle because of it all.. and permanent hip damage.. and an extreme fear of vaginal checks.

But he is here. He is loved. He is meant to be, and he is what made me a mother. The most important roll I have ever played.

Carter Alexander - Born February 15th, 2014. At 8:51 a.m. At 9 pounds 2 ounces.

Stretch City.

These are just a few of my tiger stripes, they also lie just underneath my belly button, on my inner and outer thighs and my lower back. They exist. They are here to stay and they tell a beautiful story. When did we decide as a society that these were gross? At what point in time did someone delegate these as avoidable, unnecessary, and something to be embarrassed about?

My husband has them but feels no pressure about their existence because they are only "bad" on a woman's body. Doesn't mean he enjoys them. When I asked him what his mean he answered,

"Well.. I grew so they happened?"

Yep. That's exactly it. He grew. We all grow. We all stretch. We all age. So for lots of people they appear. I grew too, I grew a human inside of my body, and am busy growing another. I stitched together every little detail of these sweet and wonderful little people that will grow to change lives some day and in order to get them here I had to get stretch marks. We as woman spend so much time and money on product and appropriate attire in order to hide these lines because people will stare and judge and we are uncomfortable with that, it's okay.. I feel you because I am too. I don't want people staring at me, I don't want people to whisper about me when they see my shirt rise. I don't want the extra attention.

But my stretch marks aren't the problem.

We are the problem.

Stretch marks exist on species other than our own and guess what? They could care less. You don't see animals making fun of each other for such material little things. They don't even notice them. We as a society made the decision to associate the marks with something negative. We did this to ourselves.

Not everyone gets stretch marks, and the more we dive into their science the more we find out that they are genetic, if your mom and her mom and the moms before them had them then you are more likely to get them yourself regardless of how much money you spend on product to get them to stay away. They will fade, they can become less noticeable but they stay with us forever. So why don't we associate these marks with a sense of pride instead just as easily as we associated them with "imperfection"? If you have them you have them, if you don't then you don't. They tell a story, our story, one that is unique to each and every one of us.

I love my lines, because I know what I went through to get them. So when my shirt rises while I'm busy carrying my squirmy toddler and you happen to get a peak at my stretchies and become disgusted, I am more than happy to stop and explain to you that without them I wouldn't have the most important parts of my life. I would love to share with you that men, woman and animals get them all the same, and I would love to tell you that your comments won't make them go away.

Love your lines. However they appeared, however they get there, if they show up at all. Because I bet your story is a beautiful one.

-T

23 weeks.

During Carters pregnancy it was amazing to me to see so much personality from an unborn child, I knew in my heart that he would truly be just like his father (whether he came out a boy or a girl, as we didn't know until birth!) and sure enough he is his fathers little twin. They are both silly but eternally calm and collected beings, they enjoy a little peace and quiet, they go out of their way to ensure the happiness of others around them, do anything to get you to smile, and are not afraid to show their feelings. While Carter was in the womb his movements were always slow and fluid and he was seemingly calm all the time. Never bothered by loud noises around me or anyone poking and prodding at him from the outside world, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was going to give birth to a peaceful and independent child and that is just what I got!

This pregnancy itself has been wildly different, but the actions and personality of this little child have been new to me as well.. although very recognizable. This baby will be just like me, and as much as that can make me smile it slightly terrifies me a bit as I knew what a strong minded, motivated, go-getter wild-child I was. One of the things that I stand firmly behind is that we all as humans embrace a love language, and it's not often that two of the same love languages come together! My husband has a love language of quality time while I am big on physical touch. One of the best ways to keep any relationship alive is being able to recognize the difference in love language and adjust, I want to kiss and hug and love on AJ but he feels most love if we go to fun activities to spend quality time with one another. There are 5 languages of love that one can relate to:

1. Words of Affirmation - You feel most loved when hearing words such as "I Love You", "You are Beautiful to me" and in turn that is how you show your love best, by telling others exactly how you feel.
2. Acts of Service - You feel most loved when someone offers to do kind things for you, such as your husband coming home and offering to cook and clean up for you after a hard day. And in turn you show your love in the same way, by preforming kind acts towards those you care about.
3. Receiving Gifts - You feel most loved when receiving flowers, a gift or even a simple card from those whom you love. In turn you tend to show others that you love them most by going out of your way to get them little gifts here and there.
4. Quality Time - You feel most loved when being able to spend time with someone uninterrupted and doing things you both enjoy. In turn, you tend to create fun things to do whether it's just working in the yard or going fishing in order to spend time with those you care about in hopes they feel your love.
5. Physical Touch - The kisses, hugs, hand holding and cuddling during a movie are what you desire most to feel loved. In turn you are quick to dish out acts of physical touch to let others know how much you love them.

It has been very apparent since birth that Carter and I did not share the same love language! He has never needed my hugs or kisses and even as a newborn desired to be out of our arms and independent. When I shower him with physical touch he gets overwhelmed, therefor I had to learn that he shows and receives love in different ways and just like his father he is a fan of quality time. If I am cooking he wants to help, if he is building blocks he wants my presence, he adores going to daddy's softball games and just spending time with each of us. One of the most beautiful things about a child is how attentive they are, and without any knowledge of these "love languages" Carter knows that I deeply desire his physical affection and goes out of his way each day to shower me with the hugs, kisses and cuddles he knows I have been waiting for.

Our second child and I share the same love language. My wild crazy womb baby adores nothing more than my hands on my belly, poking back and forth as we get to know each other. We spend all day loving on each other from two different worlds. Each time I have ever had a worry during the pregnancy this little one sends me kicks and nudges immediately after my thought in order to let me know that he or she is doing just fine. If there are loud noises or if big brother is a little too rough around the belly all it takes is for us to connect in a physical way to lull baby back to sleep.

23 weeks in and not a day goes by without loads of excitement. As we inch closer and closer I find myself more anxious at the thought of being a mother to two under two, but is this not life's greatest gift? I get two tiny humans to love and adore for all of their days. 17 more weeks until we are blessed yet again.

Take a quiz to find out your own love language as well as the love language of your children by clicking HERE

-T

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Taking Photos with NO Lighting.

I am not a professional, simply a momtographer with a camera who loves to learn new tricks. One of the most difficult things about our blog and instagram world is timing, 90% of our posts happen between 10 a.m and 1 p.m. because that is when the lighting is best! Being from the pacific northwest, strong natural lighting can be hard to find between all the trees and especially in the oh so gloomy days of the fall/winter so I wanted to find an easy way to be able to accomplish taking photos in poor lighting and being able to edit them to make our readers never be able to tell the difference! These tips work for me but may not work for everyone, and always edit to your own personal taste. This tutorial was taken with a DSLR camera (you may be able to use the same trick with a phone camera, if you try and it works let me know!) and was edited on out computer using Lightroom 5, however I know there are lots of amazing apps and websites out there that can help you accomplish the same things!

Here is our before photo, this was taken in my sons completely dark room (minus a small night light in the corner) when he was sleeping with a flash on. The trick is to "diffuse" the flash as much as possible because we all know what flash photos look like.. very bright, unclear and unappealing.

The key to getting it to look appropriately lit (for editing purposes) is to use a diffuser over your camera's flash. You can get these for relatively cheap at just about any camera store you walk into, but my husband being the penny pincher that he is wanted to see if he could come up with a DIY before venturing into the idea of purchasing one. I do have to say, it's worked out better than a few diffusers I have seen and it was of NO cost to myself. The photo below is what we saw when pinteresting the idea and we simply use a white envelope that I hold at an angle in front of our camera and it works effortlessly. It is crucial that the paper/envelope/notecard that you use is white otherwise your photo will start to turn the color of the paper.

After snapping the photo my work with the camera was done! We got a photo that looked lit well enough to be edited and I was able to let my little man snooze away. The first edit we always do is the exposure, key is to brighten the photo to your personal liking to make it look as natural as possible. I want people to think I took this next to an open window with loads of sunlight!

As you can see, while it brightens up the photo the colors are still out of whack and the photo is what you call "warm" (warm vs. cold is how yellow/orange/red a photo is vs. blue/purple, just like warn vs. cool colors). So next we took the Temperature of the photo and dragged it way down to the cooler side.

We made it 'cool' enough to make the whites of the photo look white instead of yellow while keeping his skin tone from turing to an awkward purple color that I dislike. The next step is to work closely with the lighting of the photo. You can see there are areas of the photo that are much brighter or darker than the others, and truly I will only be able to tweak this. Without an expensive camera some things won't ever be "perfect"! So our next step was to being down the highlights ever so slightly to try to gain back a little definition to the photo.

I love adding some clarity to a photo, it helps in definition, however you can surely over clarify a photo and it will look discolored. Every time that I use the clarity tool I try to also bring up the shadows in the photo VERY lightly because when clarifying I feel that the darker areas of the photo can get a little too dark. Although this edit is very subtle, it brings out details like his hair and details within his pillow.

The next thing that I personally like to do is play around with the saturation and vibrance of a photo, I almost always turn down the saturation by a smidge just because this is a personal taste, you can turn them up making your colors much more bright and vibrant as well. Too vibrant of colors results in graininess of your photo so be weary!

The next edit is forever my favorite. Before venturing into photography I always drooled over how a photographer could make someone's skin look so flawless. After getting my camera I expected this to happen all on its own, but realized quickly that photography is just as much about editing as it is about taking the photos themselves. I talked about this in a previous tutorial and you may have to zoom in to see the fine details but always always always sharpen your photos, this takes the photo from good to great. If I sharpen to 100, I always reduce noise (soften) by 50. This is what gives your photos the airbrushed effect as sharpening will make your photos nice and clear but it will also create a clarity issue by creating a fuzz. The better the camera, the more this will do it on it's own, but again until I have that kind of money this will work just fine!

(Sharpness increased, note 'fuzziness' in areas of the photo)

(Noise Reduced i.e. softness added to balance the sharpness)

One of the last things that I tend to do with my photos is adjust the whites, again this is a personal touch that I enjoy! I love my whites being bright and bold in a photo, I feel that it makes it look clean (and from what I have observed bright whites are a big deal within the social media world) so carefully I boost the whites in the photo enough to bring that final "oomph" to a photo!

Adding a white vignette to your photo will help get rid of the dark shadows around the edges of your photo that I always find troublesome! Typically a black vignette is added for photographic effect however in photos where you have a predominately white background adding white edges helps loads!

And there you have it! A photo taken in complete darkness edited enough to look as if there was the aid of natural lighting. Take the tips as you see necessary, and explore with the tools you have in order to customize a photo to your liking! The beauty of photography is that you have the ability to go in any direction you please, and each photo will turn out differently each time. Happy editing my friends!

-T 

Easy Breezy Fit Pregnancy.

I have a gym membership, I like to go on walks with my son, run on a treadmill and practice yoga but I wouldn't call myself a fitness guru although I live in my fitness clothing and deeply desire a 6 pack! Pregnancy can be a very beautiful yet difficult time in a woman's life due to all of the unexpected body changes one undergoes in order to introduce a sweet little one into our world! I remember being told that breastfeeding would just slim me up right away and that since I was so small pre pregnancy I would just bounce right back.. and as the months postpartum passed I got more and more frustrated that I wasn't just "bouncing back" like my peers.

I was young. I was breastfeeding. I was relatively healthy. What was wrong with me?

It was then that I realized that fitness doesn't just end during pregnancy. I gained about 50 pounds while pregnant with Carter and allowed myself to eat whatever I so desired and take naps on naps because I had this idea in my head that it would all just disappear. So you bet your bottom that this time around the block we have done things very differently. Now at 23 weeks I feel alive, refreshed, awake and have only gained a measly 3 pounds.

One thing I remembered hearing was not to "over do" anything and really only do what you were doing pre pregnancy so before conceiving I was sure to start as much of a routine as I could for my personal set of skills when it comes to the world of fitness. I am here today to share with you my easy breezy fit pregnancy guide! Keep in mind that while this works for me, this may not work for everyone! Take fitness as your body can handle it, if you can lift weights and run marathons than I applaud you (and wish I could as well!), talking to your doctor is always recommended.

1. Move, and Keep Moving
I sat on my butt the entire pregnancy with Carter, and this time not only do I know that wasn't beneficial but I have a toddler to keep up with so it is also impossible! So while I am chasing him around there are a few things I like to incorporate in my day:

Squat - Squat your heart out. Squat here, squat there, squat everywhere! I tend to gain weight in my hips and thighs and this helps keep everything firm and in place while the rest of my body grows and it is easy to do when I find the time! Hit the quads, hamstrings and butt all at once, couldn't be easier.

Leg Lifts - I modify this for pregnancy by laying on my side and lifting my leg to about a 45 degree angle and slowly lowering it back down. This helps my inner thigh (although I have fully accepted that I will never be the proud owner of a thigh gap ever again) this area is a difficult one for me!

Plank - Gotta keep those abs a'workin even with a growing belly! Planking can get more difficult as time passes and your belly gets more and more in the way so modify as you go, but by keeping those abs in check you are helping your postpartum body out tremendously! (always remember to breathe during a plank, I catch myself holding it in which is never healthy for the growing little one)

Lift and Curl - If you don't have weights at home fill up some water bottles with water for an easy homemade weight and get to lifting and curling with the arms! No one likes under arm flab and I truly never realized how easy it was to accrue this unwanted asset. I lift and curl during commercials if we are watching TV or while I make dinner if I have a free hand.

Walk - Carter and I walk everyday. We walk however long our hearts desire and like to make an adventure out of it to keep things fun! Walking is going to keep your body functional and healthy and is great for pregnancy. It also serves as special one-on-one time between my son and I where we can be unplugged and away from the rest of the world, I find it peaceful.

2. Yoga
Find your inner zen because prenatal yoga is wonderful! This pregnancy we have been having aches and pains I never knew were possible, when they get unbearable most of the time they can be eliminated with a few easy pregnancy poses. If you don't own a prenatal yoga video or attend classes let youtube be your guide, there are so many helpful videos out there just a click away, however be weary and mindful of the poses that you are putting yourself into and talk to a doctor about their potential risks before preforming anything that you are unsure of. If all else fails.. child's pose your heart out.

3. Healthy Diet
Eating for two? Quit that! It truly is not as beneficial as it sounds, eating for two will get you to a spot on the scale where you don't want to be. Being sure to get your food groups in while being mindful of portion size is key. Pre pregnancy our family was on a strict Paleo diet and we adore every bit of it, during those first trimester months where you are sick beyond belief I had to let it go in order to keep any food in me and we still lost loads of weight. Now that we are back to a healthy spot we are able to start everything up again and paleo has brought my family to an incredible place. Paleo is essentially "only eating what a caveman could eat", in other words a high protein, gluten and sugar free diet. We eliminated breads, replaced all oils in our home with coconut oil, loaded up on fruits and veggies and learned how to solidly cook every meal we ate. A few of my easy pregnancy foods that I have found beneficial to my body are:

+ Eggs
+ Fish
+ Walnuts
+ Dark Leafy Greens
+ Fruits (strawberries and I are the very best of friends)
+ Lean Meats

Pregnancy is such an incredible time in our lives that can easily be shadowed by worry about the vast amount of changes we have to undergo and the uncertainty of where we will be once the journey is over, will the woman in the mirror be someone that we are familiar with? Will we love her as much as we should? The answer should be yes, loving yourself is just as important and provides a grounds to give your family the love that they deserve. No matter the shape or size never forget to make the time for yourself to feel comfortable in your skin and love the woman in the mirror. YOU created life, you held it and nurtured it entirely for 9 months and even post pregnancy you are a super woman, never forget yourself.

Cheers to a happy, healthy 9 months!

-T

Take Back Toddlerhood

My life with my toddler wasn't anything that anyone could prepare me for. There weren't any words that would accurately be able to describe the challenges, and there was certainly no way I could've premeditated how I would choose to handle certain situations that I am now presented with.

However, there is one thing that I can attest to.

I was only told how horrible, and difficult this time in our lives would be. No one ever said "we love toddlerhoood!", "those tantrums are only a small part of our wonderful days!", or "you will survive". I lived in constant fear of my son growing up because I just knew our good times were slowly slipping away. I hugged that tiny baby harder mourning the time that we were losing. But as he grew I realized something.. our love grew with him.

Tantrums started, fits began and I was at a loss of what to do from here but I knew that I had a choice to make. The more people I heard tell me that the good times were coming to an end, the more I was driven to ensure that this didn't happen. I chose to embrace. From that day forth I have been able to handle all of his emotions with a sense of grace and happiness, they were no longer a nuisance but another chance for me to show him that I will never leave his side. I want to take back toddlerhood, because it's beautiful, it is blissful and it is at the very essence of what we all agreed to upon choosing this life. Now let me assure you, there are moments where I lose myself and am left surprised that there is hair still left on my head. It is OKAY to feel overwhelmed because it is often hard to understand these tiny humans, but that is exactly it, they are still human and deserve to be treated as such.

Their Emotions are Just as Real as ours.
When they are crying because their shoes don't fit on the family dog, or because they learned that once you pour your water out of your cup you cannot put it back in it is easy to get frustrated at their lack of common sense or ability to realize the pettiness of the situation they are in. Face it, we've lived longer, our struggles are much harder than theirs and we think this situation is certainly not worthy of tears (or throwing themselves on the ground.. and thrashing.. and screaming.. in public). But then who is the inconsiderate one? They don't know our struggles, they aren't there yet, they can't relate and therefor we can't expect them to. These emotions they have are very real to them. This truly is the hardest thing they have yet to deal with in their lives and we are belittling it. I can't imagine being told not to cry sometimes when I am faced with more adult troubles such as coming up short on bills or having to give up something you wanted so badly for the good of others. They are no different and I would never want him to feel that his emotions take second place to my own.

This has to Happen.
Yep. Toddlerhood HAS to happen. The tantrums have to happen. It all must take place in order for our toddlers to thrive and grow into the children they are meant to be, there is no way to avoid it and truly it shouldn't be avoided in the first place. They will spend the rest of their lives trying to break the little ties they have to us, it's called independence and in order to raise successful adults they have to achieve it, this is just the beginning of their journey. In this stage they are learning that they don't have to hold our hands and are wanting to go explore on their own and it can be frustrating chasing your children around a store looking like a hot mess. They protest our decisions all though small and seemingly meaningless, however one day they will protest much larger decisions. It is our job to guide them on a healthy path while fostering this independence and giving it to them as we feel they are ready for it, but remember that sadly this has to happen.

I want his Trust.
There are times where he goes too far, and it is my job as a parent to show him that certain things are not okay to do. But for now, for the most part it's just an overload of emotions and I choose to hold him close through the hard times he experiences rather than scolding him for the emotions he is feeling. Why? Because I wan't him to be able to tell me how he is feeling for the rest of his life without feeling bad or feeling like he is going to get in trouble. I deeply desire his trust, I want us to be an open book as much as he will allow it. I can't start this path off right by telling him that I don't approve of his feelings or showing him I am not interested in hearing all about them. I need to show him now that I am his advocate, always.

Now I don't have this motherhood thing "right", I don't make all the perfect decisions, and just like everyone else I struggle some days more than others. But imagine a world in which we lifted new mothers up with confidence and excitement about the journey they are just beginning on? Imagine the world we could have if we raised our children to understand that emotions are okay to have and aided them in learning how to harness those emotions? So have your moment, lock yourself away in our bathroom and have a good cry because YOU are entitled to your emotions as well.

-T

22 Weeks.

Oh hello 22. My belly officially sits in my lap, my belly button pokes straight out and my feet are slowly starting to disappear. This morning Carter and I sat in bed talking about "bebe" and he showed me that he too has a "bebe" in his belly! We sat talking about the Bebe in our bellies for quite a long time so of course I had to snap a photo of this moment that is so precious to me. I know he won't understand, and truly he won't get it even after the baby arrives but its so fun watching his mind work around the idea. All he knows is that daddy gives lots of lovin' to mommies belly, it's called a baby, and he apparently has one too!

This week the baby has officially hit 1 pound and is 1 foot in length! Grow baby grow! These last few weeks until viability at 24 weeks always go by slowly for me as I wait anxiously for the "date" in time in which I can rest comfortably knowing that no matter what happens, everyone will do their best to help our little one. To think that we have 18 more weeks until our due date and 19 more weeks max makes me get butterflies (or maybe those are kicks..) and also makes me feel a little ill. I constantly have to remind myself that no matter how many books I read or classes that I took while pregnant with Carter I was still unprepared. I didn't know what it would be like or how to survive motherhood until I was there and in the moment, that is just how I function. I can try all I want to get ready for this baby, create a step-by-step plan and get a grip on what life will be like with two under two but it won't happen. I will learn as I go, and maybe that's better. It saves me from creating a false idea of what life could be like and allows me just to bask in the life that falls into place just as it should.

For those who are just now jumping in, we love to wait on the gender until birth. We love the surprise! We did with Carter and had every intention of doing it again, however during the ultrasound we both saw "the goods" and later that evening confessed it to each other.. only to find out that I know without a doubt that I saw little lady parts and my husband is 100% set on the fact that he saw little man parts. So our surprise is still alive! However.. I've caught AJ looking at bows, girly items and he's even slipped and called the baby Pennelope (Poppy for short). But he isn't the only one, I too have referred to the baby as Henry on occasion. Because we don't have the actual potty shot itself in our hands, as time goes on it gets harder and harder to visualize what we both thought we saw but no matter the case I cannot forget the fact that my heart about skipped a beat when I saw those three white lines again and again and again. I'm at the point where I feel like maybe because I am so darn set on knowing what I saw (and knowing my husband can't read an ultrasound to save his life) that I just have to be wrong because that's how life is for me! It's always full of twists and turns and big surprises and I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel I've never been more sure but question myself everyday. Either way we know a few things for sure, we are blessed, this baby is so loved, and we cannot wait!

Happy 22 weeks tiny little one.

-T

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