I spend lots of these days day dreaming about life with this child that I haven't met yet. What life will be like with two children instead of one, how this child will teach me new things even though I've "been there done that", and I attempt to comprehend the love that will overwhelm us when he or she arrives. These are all the same dreams that I remember having while pregnant with Carter but there is a much different tone to them.
I've been weathered!
Going from one child to two is no easy task but there is something that I find much more comforting about this process. With Carter I only ever had these blissful ideas inside of my head of all the perfect and wonderful things that would be after he arrived and there was hardly any worry in the world! All I knew is that I was having a baby! God's most precious gift! But what I didn't know yet was that motherhood is not easy.
I could have never known about those long and sleepless nights, about all the decision making that was ahead of me, the constant fear that I was not doing enough and the mixed emotions of watching your infant grow into a toddler. This was never in my day dreams.
This time around I get it.. I don't know whether I'll have a good sleeper or one who doesn't know what sleep means, but I know all about what it's like to be pushed to a level of exhaustion I never thought I would experience. I don't know whether this baby will need to be held 24/7 or want their space, but I do remember the aching arms and have memorized the "mom sway". I get it. I know this baby is only this small for a moment.. they grow up. They get older and that's hard.
These day dreams are much different, but more realistic. I sit here often starring at the empty bassinet in the corner of our room just imagining a tiny little human filling that space. I am notorious for rocking in our rocking chair in the nursery just to familiarize myself with the sounds. And more often then not I find myself repetitively getting out tiny little infant sized clothing and knowing that one day I will have a child who will be wearing this!
The outfit you see above by Little East Threads bring a certain nostalgia about this whole process! I am actually having a baby and someday this little person will fill out these tiny pants! It doesn't get any more precious than that. Made with love by a mother herself you know that the clothing you receive is as good as it gets. Why don't they make adult sized clothing as soft as they can create clothing for an infant?
I'll probably look back on this experience with my second and laugh when I think of the dreams that I had, and on our third child I'll think that I know "even more" about what it will be like. But day dreams or not, there is no reality until these little one's arrive.
47 days little one.
- T
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