Have you Asked the Babies?

Some of the best advice, tips, or stories I have ever been dealt in my life are the ones whose opinions oppose my own. I would be a fool to say that on my own I have made all of the correct decisions. Many times I think what I am doing is right until someone raises the other side, much less desirable in my eyes and often times unwanted. But what kind of mother, or individual would I be without taking the time to listen.. because sometimes that decision could change my world.

Abortion. It's taboo. Some are passionate for one side or the other, others like to pretend it doesn't exist, to each there own. But it is here and it happens and so why should we feel that we are going to be harmed for talking about it?

Guess what? We are human. We all disagree, that isn't going to change any time soon. There will never be a day when we get everyone on the same page about abortion. If you come out and stand your ground on why you believe it should be a choice, you have become a murderer in the eyes of all those who oppose you. So then if you come out and say you disagree with it's fundamentals you suddenly hate women and don't believe they should have any rights to their own bodies. Dramatic? Very. But it's all a part of being human, whether you believe in god or evolution we were given this ability to agree and disagree so quit getting upset at our ability to use it.

One side we've never heard from is those whose life's we are directly effecting, the babies themselves. You may laugh because yes, clearly we cannot hear from them as they are no longer here to defend their side (although I'm sure most of them wouldn't much care for the idea of being terminated, just a guess). But guess what, there are a select few of us who "slipped through" the lines and are here to tell you what we think about it. I am here to share with you about my life. Nothing more, nothing less. All I want you to know is that by the grace of a beautiful woman I am able to live it.

December 6th 1993, I was born by one woman and adopted by another. Both of them are my "mothers" but in very different ways. My biological mother was unmarried and young, my biological father was going away to the military, equally as young and both were clueless. They had a choice to make, one that in the moment seemed to only effect them but little did they know the thousands of people that truly lay behind that decision.

Should I stay or should I go?

My biological mother then made the most self sacrificing, beautiful and hardest decision she has ever had to make and had to come to the realization that she was not fit to be my mother. She had to sit there and realize that she who created me was unfit for me. From that moment forth she set her heart to finding the man and woman that I was meant for, she had to search for parents for her own parentless child. She grew and nourished me, just like anyone else she felt me wiggle and kick and got to experience all aspects of pregnancy while growing closer to the people she chose to raise me.

And the day came. She birthed me and she gave me away.

You think it ends there, but I am here to tell you that is far from the truth. I want you to know what all she gave me.

She gave me the gift of a first day of school, my thirteenth birthday, experiencing the love of a new puppy, the gift of being a big sister one day to my precious brother. I also got the gift of heartbreak, pain and anger during a few hard teenage years. With that I was given the gift of making the dance team and attending prom. I was given the gift of college, and pursuing something that I am passionate about, something that will change others lives some day.

She gave me the gift of my husband. She gave me the gift of my two beautiful children. She gave them life.

There is nothing that I will ever be able to say or do to show her what this means to me. There is nothing more precious in my life than my babies, they occupy every inch of my being with unconditional love and this love is so fierce I don't dare attempt to explain it with words that will never do it justice.

Without her choice, none of this would exist. Would the world be just as beautiful? You betcha. Why? Because the world wouldn't know what they were missing out on. While I may not think that I am "all that" I bet you my parents would say otherwise, I am the child they prayed for. My husband would argue this, because I am the woman he spent his life searching for. I know my children would disagree, because I am their mother.

Why am I writing about this? Because if one person see's this and decides that the life they are growing is worth someone's time, even if it's not their own than I've done myself justice. I feel there is a debt.. some sort of time and effort that I owe to the world in trying to show you that my life did matter. It still does matter.

If I got in a car accident and lost this life tomorrow, people would weep because of all of the things I would be missing out on in my future. But if no one had yet to meet me, they wouldn't shed a tear. Because they don't know what ending my life meant for the world. I am no president, I am not planning on becoming a scientist that will make massive discoveries in the world of cancer but my life mattered just as much then as it does now. We just didn't know it yet.

So to the beautiful woman who chose to give me, and everyone around me this gift, thank you. Although those words will never seem like enough.

To my mother and father who took my life and made it into what it is today, you'll never know just how much this means to me.

To a mother who is lost, I am so sorry. I am sorry you found yourself in this position and I wish you nothing but happiness, I wan't nothing more than for you to smile again. If you choose to change the lives of so so many by giving life, I am in debt to your graciousness and only wish I could show each and every one of you what your choices mean to me. What they mean to this world.

You may disagree, and you're allowed to. Disagreeing with me, telling me that I am wrong for feeling this way won't ever hurt my feelings. Harsh words won't tear me down nor will it shake my strength. This world is beautiful and the only reason you are here to read this is because a woman decided that I was worth your time.

Please share, if you know anyone stuck in a hard spot. Please share if you don't know anyone but would rather hope this reaches the right person. If my life matters, their life does too.

-T

3D Ultrasound Spam!

One of the very exciting parts about receiving ultrasounds later in pregnancy is that you get to see a much more developed version of the little alien you saw at 20 weeks, I am left in disbelief at how much our tiny little thing grew!

Measuring in just one day behind his or her due date and at 2 pounds 1 ounce we were able to swoon over some sweet 3D images. 

I have tried SO hard to imagine this baby's sweet little face and as hard as I try not to, all I have been able to envision is another little Carter.. well turns out I am not far off. The moment they put the image up on the screen both AJ and I started laughing (in the best of ways!). It was in fact the tinier version of our son! How two children can look SO much alike is beyond me, while I am sure they will have their little differences they will without a doubt look like siblings for as long as they live. All the way down to the toes.. our second blessing shares the same large chubby thick feet and toes as his or her older brother does. It absolutely melts my heart!

We were able to keep the gender a surprise and plan on doing so until this little one meets us earth side, being one of the few surprises that we have left in this life I cannot wait to relive that precious moment yet again.

All is good, everyone is healthy and we are blessed.

Those cheeks!!

Same nose as Carter and their Daddy

Ten beautiful toes, measuring 2 inches long! 

These were the majority of the shots, hands hiding all the goods! 

A little cord action in front of little one, and what a BEAUTIFUL cord he/she has

This is the image that sticks in my head, this tiny sleeping little of mine so peaceful right where he/she belongs. These last few weeks I will hold close to this image knowing that someday I'll kiss those precious lips and stare at this exact image for hours when I know I should be sleeping myself.

Four more weeks and we will see you yet again. 

- T

27 Weeks.

Here we are! The last week of our second trimester and I am in disbelief. These last weeks of holding you safely inside of me are coming to an end and time won't slow down, no matter how badly I want it to. Everything is ready and just awaiting your arrival.. which is a surprise considering I didn't have things done for your brother for quite some time.

I figured that I would highlight my most precious moments of our second trimester for you to someday look back on and know just how precious you are to us:

• At 14 weeks your brother started finally calling you "bebe" instead of chicken. Although chicken was quite the adorable nickname!
• At 15 weeks I first felt you move, although I didn't think that was at all possible. Second pregnancies can be wildly different.
• At 16-17 weeks we finally settled on your name(s), sharing with the world that we are excited to bring a sweet Penelope (Poppy) girl or a handsome Henry into this world.
• At 20 weeks we got to see your sweet self again. Although determined to keep your gender a surprise both your dad and I saw your "parts" and thought our surprise was over. Turns out your father is 100% convinced you are a boy while I know that I saw little lady parts. Only time will tell us who you are!
• At 22 weeks I cleaned all of the clothes that you will wear and the soft cloth diapers that will wrap your sweet bum, the smell of the Dreft used on your clothes sends me into la-la land. I secretly go into your room and smell your tiny clothes all day!
• At 25 weeks we were diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. Although this is never what we wanted nor expected your father and I came out on the other end much healthier happier people! We have a whole new idea of what "being healthy" means and have changed our entire diet around with the help of a dietician and feel wonderful.
• Tomorrow at 27 weeks we will see your sweet face once again and until we can kiss your face, kissing those sweet pictures and cherishing your little movements will have to do!

Second Trimester Stats:

• Weight Gain: 5 lbs (entire pregnancy)
• How much baby weighs now: About 2 pounds
• How long is baby now: 14 1/2 inches
• How is mom feeling: AMAZING! I haven't truly felt better in my life (minus having to pee all day and night) I had a much harder time with Carters pregnancy always being exhausted and swollen and so far we are only experiencing minimal aches and pains and have all the energy in the world.

Two down, one to go. We've got this sweet little one!

- T

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Toddler Hacks

If you have ever had a toddler I am sure we can all agree on one thing, monkey see monkey do. That is the life of my 1.5 year old and I am going to embrace his curiosity full force! Why not make your life just a little bit easier if it was an option for you?

No we are not talking child labor. I'm simply stating that there are many things that your toddler wants to help you out with, why? Because you are mom and you are what's up in their eyes. So lets all embrace this copycat stage that they are in for the very short while it lasts before they turn into teenagers who will gag when this game turns into a boring chore.

1. Take Cleanup to Another Level
My toddler is not the only one that makes a mess. In between all of lives moments I find myself spilling cheerios and cups of milk everywhere. The beauty of this stage? My son is often the first one on the scene ready to take on the mess. It takes all of a few seconds for me to grab a rag or the dust pan (in which he often makes the mess worse..) and return back where we make cleaning up a fun game. He want's nothing more than to help me clean it all up, little does he know that this tiny act of toddlerism makes my day that much better.

2. Vacuums are Rad
My child is obsessive over the vacuum. So much so that putting it away turns into a level 5 tantrum that I have to thank god that no one is around to witness. Someone so brilliant (who must've had children..) decided, why not make children's vacuums that actually work? You heard me. Next on my sons shopping list is a working children's vacuum! Now clearly it won't be near the quality of your expensive Dyson but it makes my son one happy little boy all while helping out ever so slightly!

3. Folding Clothes
Yeah.. not this one. They don't help, I am sorry to inform you. Best to keep them away from your folded piles of laundry until they move out.

4. Dirty Clothes
While they won't be any help in folding the piles of laundry you are lost in they will help you gather up any of the dirty clothes your husband left on the floor and slam dunk them into the hamper! My husband has a tendency to come home and walk right out of his work clothes and they wind up somewhere between the front door and our bedroom, it is now my son's favorite thing to follow behind him and put them in the hamper. Now.. this is no excuse for hubbs to keep leaving clothes on the floor.

5. Have a Pet?
About a month ago I found my son in our kitchen after he had been quiet for too long and to my surprise he was going back and forth from the dogs food bin to the bowl and filling it a few pieces at a time. He watches us feed the dog every night and out of curiosity he wanted to try it himself. Now each night (under supervision) Carter will help us feed the dog while I tend to a few other things in the kitchen and I know our dog isn't complaining about it!

6. Youngest Child Aid
Whether you use cloth or disposables, there is always a place where the dirty diapers are meant to be and your toddler is aware of this. If you have a little one chances are that your older child(ren) are itching to help in any way you will let them, and chances are they will run that used nappy to the pail while you wrestle those tiny legs into another diaper!

Toddlers are creatures of habit, they live every day of their young lives observing what is going on around them and soaking in more information than we are able to comprehend. They learn by action so why not involve them in your simple day-to-day and make life a little easier while you're at it? Chances are they are itching to help in the first place!

Embrace the stages my friends!

- T

I have Short Hair, Not "Mom Hair"

I remember spending my entire pregnancy basking in the glory of the new found hair that I was growing, at a record pace. I have always had shorter hair.. you know that awkward length that has no name and lies somewhere between your shoulders and your boobs? It was always just there and it wasn't anything special and shortly after we had our first child it quickly found its way into the standard "please don't pull my hair" mom bun.

I felt lazy. Going from taking the time each day to put into myself to not giving myself the time of day was harsh on the self esteem, which a new mom struggles enough with already. It wasn't long before I made the decision, I was going to chop it. 

I was excited to get rid of the long locks, I figured having less hair would require less time, make my life a little easier and allow me to feel more myself during those long days and nights that so easily blended together. I went in, chopped it off and immediately afterwards I realized the mistake I had made..

"Lost another one to Mom Hair!"

Wait what? No, I don't have mom hair.. I am a mother that has hair, yes, but thank you. Why short hair is the staple of motherhood I will never quite understand but mom hair or not I love it, so if Mom Hair is what I've got goin' on than I'll flaunt it in all of it's short and bouncy splendor. 

Here we are pregnant again with our second and to no one's surprise I chopped the locks yet again, and yet again I have been told what lovely "mom hair" I have going on. 

Let me tell you why this is demeaning..

I cut my hair to find myself again. My new life as a mother has changed my world and everything that I know, including how I take care of myself. I went from the top to the bottom of my own totem pole in a matter of minutes and it has been the greatest gift I have ever been given, but I am more than just "Mom". I am Taylor, I have a name and an existence all my own and cutting my hair was what was going to give that back to me. To go and tell me that the one thing I did in order to give myself a little personal identity labeled me as a mom to the masses did not aid in this process. 

Often times we forget that a mother is in fact a person, not just a walking, breathing, diaper changing robot. Whether she's wearing "mom jeans", only ever rocks a "mom bun", or has exhausted "mom bags" under her eyes she is more than just mom. Finding a sense of self between the moments of motherhood is critical, and while I can guarantee that being a mother is what makes her life worth living, labeling any part of her personal self as "only a mom" can hurt. 

I have short hair, not "mom hair". I wear jeans that fit and are comfy to me.. not every pair of jeans that I put on are "mom jeans", and when my hair is in a bun it's just a bun.

I flaunt my role as a mother though the children I am busy raising, not the materialistic little things that make up my exterior. I'm still Taylor, don't forget that.

-T